Can Anyone Rate or Edit My Song a little because This is my First Song And I want To Know What Peopl

Can You Rate It and Edit Alittle? Im 14 years old. Rate Out of 10 please:

Girl I need you Day and Night

I remember how we used to Ride

Everything will go Alright

As Long as You Are By My Side

We%26#039;ll always be more than friends

Our hearts will never be apart

I need you here until the end

You will always remain in my heart

Your Eyes have me lost (Lost)

Stealing my heart (Heart)

I have my fingers Crossed

You would take my last breath (Breath)

Your Eyes have me lost (Lost)

Stealing my heart (Heart)

I have my fingers Crossed

You would take my last breath (Breath)

You are just mine (Mine)

Others say im dishonest

Can I hold you for one last time

I swear I wont break a promise (Promise)

Now, I sit on the Damn Phone

Asking for you to come back home

What do I gotta do

To get through to you

Girl I need you, and its true

My heart goes away

I will keep waiting for you

I really want you so I pray

Can Anyone Rate or Edit My Song a little because This is my First Song And I want To Know What People Think?

it is a good start. as it is i give the lyrics a 6, but you are only a couple of changes away from a solid 8. as for the flow of the song. it flows in my head to an r%26amp;b tune i just made up while reading your lyrics. below are my suggested changes. i hope they are a help to you.

you might think about keeping the first section in the same tense (past or present).

Girl I need you day and night

I remember how we use to ride

Everthing WOULD go alright

As long as you WERE by my side

I feel the second section should read as follows....

We%26#039;ll always be more than friends

I need you here until the end

You will always BE in my heart

THEY will never be apart

the third line of the following just doesn%26#039;t make sense to me.

Your Eyes have me lost (Lost)

Stealing my heart (Heart)

I have my fingers Crossed (THIS LINE DOESN%26#039;T FIT)

You would take my last breath (Breath)

You are just mine (Mine)

Others say im dishonest (WHERE DID THIS COME FROM?)

Can I hold you for one last time

I swear I wont break a promise (Promise)

Now, I sit on the Phone (%26quot;Damn is not needed)

Asking for you to come back home

What do I gotta do

To get through to you

Can Anyone Rate or Edit My Song a little because This is my First Song And I want To Know What People Think?

it sucked, no im kidding, i didnt read it.

Can Anyone Rate or Edit My Song a little because This is my First Song And I want To Know What People Think?

i dunno how it goes like the rythm but 4 a 14 year old its good id rate it about 8

Can Anyone Rate or Edit My Song a little because This is my First Song And I want To Know What People Think?

Don%26#039;t sacrifice the meaning of your song, just so that the lyrics can rhyme.

I hate that more than anything.

Can Anyone Rate or Edit My Song a little because This is my First Song And I want To Know What People Think?

i wouls rate it a 7 and a half

Can Anyone Rate or Edit My Song a little because This is my First Song And I want To Know What People Think?

Why don%26#039;t you visit http://www.songwriterstipjar.com/ where you can get your lyrics critiqued by several members

Can Anyone Rate or Edit My Song a little because This is my First Song And I want To Know What People Think?

Girl I need you day and night

I remember how we used to Ride

Everything will go Alright

As Long as You Are By My Side

We%26#039;ll always be more than a friend

Our hearts will never be apart

I need you here until the end

You will always remain in my heart

Your eyes have me lost (Lost)

Stealing my heart (Heart)

I have my fingers Crossed

That we will never part (part)

Always you%26#039;ll be mine (Mine)

Others say im dishonest

Can I hold you for one last time

I swear I wont break a promise (Promise)

Now, I sit by the damn phone

Asking for you to come back home

What do I gotta do

To get through to you

Girl I need you, and its true

My love will never stray

I will keep waiting for you

I really want you so I pray

This song is excellent for your young age. Hope you like my changes. Try and choose your chorus to repeat between verses, and don%26#039;t add anymore as in your additional details, it makes the song too long. I write songs but some of them don%26#039;t suit my voice at all, I can hear a different voice singing it. Try and teach a friend whose voice you think suits what you hear in your head. Good luck and keep on writing.

Can Anyone Rate or Edit My Song a little because This is my First Song And I want To Know What People Think?

it%26#039;s a little long, try to choose a chorus and figure out the best order for the verses and then you can add in a few(but not too many) bridges and other extra parts, remember: Quality before Quantity