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Thursday, June 17, 2010

Can Anyone Rate or Edit My Song a little because This is my First Song And I want To Know What Peopl

Can You Rate It and Edit Alittle? Im 14 years old. Rate Out of 10 please:



Girl I need you Day and Night



I remember how we used to Ride



Everything will go Alright



As Long as You Are By My Side



We%26#039;ll always be more than friends



Our hearts will never be apart



I need you here until the end



You will always remain in my heart



Your Eyes have me lost (Lost)



Stealing my heart (Heart)



I have my fingers Crossed



You would take my last breath (Breath)



Your Eyes have me lost (Lost)



Stealing my heart (Heart)



I have my fingers Crossed



You would take my last breath (Breath)



You are just mine (Mine)



Others say im dishonest



Can I hold you for one last time



I swear I wont break a promise (Promise)



Now, I sit on the Damn Phone



Asking for you to come back home



What do I gotta do



To get through to you



Girl I need you, and its true



My heart goes away



I will keep waiting for you



I really want you so I pray



Can Anyone Rate or Edit My Song a little because This is my First Song And I want To Know What People Think?

it is a good start. as it is i give the lyrics a 6, but you are only a couple of changes away from a solid 8. as for the flow of the song. it flows in my head to an r%26amp;b tune i just made up while reading your lyrics. below are my suggested changes. i hope they are a help to you.



you might think about keeping the first section in the same tense (past or present).



Girl I need you day and night



I remember how we use to ride



Everthing WOULD go alright



As long as you WERE by my side



I feel the second section should read as follows....



We%26#039;ll always be more than friends



I need you here until the end



You will always BE in my heart



THEY will never be apart



the third line of the following just doesn%26#039;t make sense to me.



Your Eyes have me lost (Lost)



Stealing my heart (Heart)



I have my fingers Crossed (THIS LINE DOESN%26#039;T FIT)



You would take my last breath (Breath)



You are just mine (Mine)



Others say im dishonest (WHERE DID THIS COME FROM?)



Can I hold you for one last time



I swear I wont break a promise (Promise)



Now, I sit on the Phone (%26quot;Damn is not needed)



Asking for you to come back home



What do I gotta do



To get through to you



Can Anyone Rate or Edit My Song a little because This is my First Song And I want To Know What People Think?

it sucked, no im kidding, i didnt read it.



Can Anyone Rate or Edit My Song a little because This is my First Song And I want To Know What People Think?

i dunno how it goes like the rythm but 4 a 14 year old its good id rate it about 8



Can Anyone Rate or Edit My Song a little because This is my First Song And I want To Know What People Think?

Don%26#039;t sacrifice the meaning of your song, just so that the lyrics can rhyme.



I hate that more than anything.



Can Anyone Rate or Edit My Song a little because This is my First Song And I want To Know What People Think?

i wouls rate it a 7 and a half



Can Anyone Rate or Edit My Song a little because This is my First Song And I want To Know What People Think?

Why don%26#039;t you visit http://www.songwriterstipjar.com/ where you can get your lyrics critiqued by several members



Can Anyone Rate or Edit My Song a little because This is my First Song And I want To Know What People Think?

Girl I need you day and night



I remember how we used to Ride



Everything will go Alright



As Long as You Are By My Side



We%26#039;ll always be more than a friend



Our hearts will never be apart



I need you here until the end



You will always remain in my heart



Your eyes have me lost (Lost)



Stealing my heart (Heart)



I have my fingers Crossed



That we will never part (part)



Always you%26#039;ll be mine (Mine)



Others say im dishonest



Can I hold you for one last time



I swear I wont break a promise (Promise)



Now, I sit by the damn phone



Asking for you to come back home



What do I gotta do



To get through to you



Girl I need you, and its true



My love will never stray



I will keep waiting for you



I really want you so I pray



This song is excellent for your young age. Hope you like my changes. Try and choose your chorus to repeat between verses, and don%26#039;t add anymore as in your additional details, it makes the song too long. I write songs but some of them don%26#039;t suit my voice at all, I can hear a different voice singing it. Try and teach a friend whose voice you think suits what you hear in your head. Good luck and keep on writing.



Can Anyone Rate or Edit My Song a little because This is my First Song And I want To Know What People Think?

it%26#039;s a little long, try to choose a chorus and figure out the best order for the verses and then you can add in a few(but not too many) bridges and other extra parts, remember: Quality before Quantity

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