POEM...?!?! rate it please and thank you. be honest?

its my first poem. you don%26#039;t need to be nice. just rate it.

its untitled

Its funny when that one person you care for,

loves somebody new.

You try to get over them but your heart is still,

plunged deep down into blue.

Their special some one is better than you,

at least thats what it seems.

When all you ever wanted,

was to be that one boys dreams.

You lay awake at night thinking,

%26quot;How can i improve..

When life is constantly pulling me down,

Why the hell is god so crude?%26quot;

He shoves all the bad right down your throat,

%26quot;Does he think i can handle it all?%26quot;

Seeing that boy with someone else,

makes my heart begin to fall,

Deeper than the blue this time

its gone all the way to black.

Now i fear for the first time,

i may never get it back.

POEM...?!?! rate it please and thank you. be honest?

On a scale of 1-10, 4.5. You made mechanical errors. Also, think about adding some structure to your poem. I think it needs to be broken into stanzas or something to make it seems less blocky and more appealing to the reader.

If you use punctuation, which you do, make sure you are only using capitilization in necessary places, i.e. proper nouns and sentence beginnings. If you don%26#039;t want to do this, then don%26#039;t use punctuation; it makes things confusing.

Overall, great for a first try. Keep going.

POEM...?!?! rate it please and thank you. be honest?

Nice!!

POEM...?!?! rate it please and thank you. be honest?

Some of the rhymes are a bit awkward. Overall, it%26#039;s good for a little something you write in your journal to get out your feelings. But I don%26#039;t claim to be a poetry expert, so maybe it%26#039;s really good.

POEM...?!?! rate it please and thank you. be honest?

It%26#039;s okay.

Poetry doesn%26#039;t have to rhyme....

POEM...?!?! rate it please and thank you. be honest?

Good job. I like it.

POEM...?!?! rate it please and thank you. be honest?

Really good - rhythm%26#039;s excellent and it%26#039;s simple! but maybe a little lacking in originality..

POEM...?!?! rate it please and thank you. be honest?

Hey that%26#039;s a great poem! I take it%26#039;s from real life events for you? but anyways that%26#039;s the kind of poems that normally hit everyone straight to the heart! keep it up chick!

POEM...?!?! rate it please and thank you. be honest?

pretty good. the flow needs a little work (i know, i know, poetry doesn%26#039;t need to rhyme, but the flow is not completely dependent on how well your poem rhymes) it%26#039;s very bitter but i kinda like it. keep on writing!

peace

POEM...?!?! rate it please and thank you. be honest?

very nice for your fisrt poem. keep on writing!

POEM...?!?! rate it please and thank you. be honest?

I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

POEM...?!?! rate it please and thank you. be honest?

Honestly this poem is not good at all. The idea behind it, of loving a person who loves someone else, is cliche. Also, quite unpoetically, you just state in plain words how you feel. It is not original, interesting or new. There is little poetic language, i.e. metaphor, simile, alliteration, allusion, hyperbole, etc. Although it does rhyme, the rhymes seem forced. And there is no real rhyme scheme, except i guess every other line rhymes.

On a scale of 1-10 i would give it a 2 or maybe 3.

Read some real poems/poets, find one you like, and figure out how they do what you like and try to copy them. Once you can do what they do, and better it. Then you will find your own voice and write well.

POEM...?!?! rate it please and thank you. be honest?

personally i write peoms and this is a beautiful peom. girl keep up the good work

POEM...?!?! rate it please and thank you. be honest?

I think it%26#039;s a very good poem and states your feelings very well. When I write poems, I like them to rhyme too even though I, also, know you don%26#039;t have to rhyme in order for it to be poetry. Good job. Keep up the good work and never ever throw away your early work. Believe me, you will regret it if you do. I threw away a lot of stuff and I regret it.

Vicky